Robert’s Preposterous

Is thinking aloud allowed? 

The Forest by Abhyankar A


An extract from The Forest by Abhyankar A., young author from SuperClubsPLUS, Young Author of the Year

"The crisp morning breeze was a welcome change to the congested and polluted London air. His family always came to Misty Treetops, a quiet village bordering the Forest. The Forest was well respected throughout the rural north of England. This was one of the last forests however, that hadn't been victimized by deforestation.

Tom loved coming to the Forest. He loved the Forest more than Mum or Dad, or his sister Julie did. He loved running about, with the wind in his hazel hair, climbing trees and making dens in secluded corners using fallen branches.

This year, he had done the same. He had emerged from his bed, raced out of the ancient inn that his family were staying in and flew into the green, mossy congregation of wildlife. The leaves seemed to go on forever, and Tom could only see a few tree stumps, where wood had been used for bonfires. Tom climbed up his favourite tree, right in the middle of the forest, and rested on a high branch, the soft spring sunrise warming him. He watched as a bird darted off from the trees. Warning him, perhaps?

Then he heard it.

A slow, almost mournful howl, echoed around the Forest. Tom knew instantly what it was. Many had dismissed it as a myth, another stupid piece of folklore, but Tom believed it.

The Last Wolf..."

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Young Author of The Year

Little Angel Press with partners Intuitive Media and Scholastic have great pleasure in announcing the launch of the first book written by the children of SuperClubsPLUS and GoldStarCafe for adults and children everywhere. Carole Fletcher says:

“We are committed to inspiring children to enjoy writing and to become authors, so we launched The Young Author of the Year Competition in 2008. Thousands of children took part and submitted stories showing their huge talent and creativity The children wrote their stories at school and at home, taking hours, even days, to perfect them and the results are amazing – inventive, imaginative, entertaining and often very funny."


This book includes stories from all the shortlisted writers and of course the two winners, ten-year-old Abhyankar from SuperClubsPLUS and twelve-year-old Katherine from GoldStarCafe, selected by children's authors Rachael Wing and Dan Freedman.

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I Can't Get Up

I can't get up this morning
I really can't decide
Exactly what to wear today
Or how to do my hair today
 
I've got six pairs of shoes
Two reds, two greens, two blues
I know they all look lovely
It's just that I can't choose
 
Then I'll need a belt and a bag
To match up with my dress
And should my hair be up or down?
Well.. both ways, it's a mess
 
I really cant decide right now
I'm getting in a state
If I don't make my mind up soon
It's going to be too late
 
So, shall I put my tracksuit on
And take a run instead?
Er... no. It's cold and raining
I think I'll stay in bed

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Rebecca's Secrets is here!



At last, we've published Rebecca's Secrets here.
This is the first edition. If you have any feedback, suggestions, improvements, additions, we will be re-editing soon to create a second edition.
I do hope you enjoy my very first full novel.

Comments [1]

The Visitors


Sophie drove the crazy twisted road across the bolder-strewn East side of the island. It took all her concentration to stay on the tarmac strip — just wide enough and no wider. One moment of distraction and they could slip into the peat bogs, smash into a roadside bolder or crush one of the thin sheep that confidently meandered across the road or even lay down on the warm tarmac watching her headlights approach unmoved and unmovable.

Thirty minutes drive felt like an hour and Tim didn’t make it any easier sitting bolt upright willing her round every bend and remarking on every hazard — just in case she hadn’t noticed it.

“Do it yourself if you think you can do it better.”

“Sorry, just a bit nervous.”

“What have you got to be nervous about? I do all the talking. You just have to look interested and be gracious. Just pretend you’re a count or something and you might find you can be polite for a whole evening.”

Satnav Jane announced, “Left turn in 50 yards.”

They turned off the narrow tarmac for a narrower dirt road signposted Craibheard and after a few hundred yards then took a left down a steep hill towards Skoon. 

“You have reached your destination.”

The Prius glided quietly into the tiny yard and stopped beside a VW Camper – one of the old split screen models, brightly painted with daisies.

“You sure this is right?” Sophie asked.

“Jane is never wrong.” Tim smiled.

The car doors closed behind them with a soft click. Outside the darkness was deep and endless. No house lights, no streetlights, no moon, no stars. Nothing to prick the deep blackness of the island except their headlights. 

They peered through the windows of the little white crofter’s cottage. The lights were bright and the chatter was warm. The little dining room was nearly full.

A tall young man appeared at the door.

“Good evening?”

“Hi, I’m Sophie. My husband, Tim.”

“Well, hello. I’m Andrew Morrison.”

“We’ve come to join you for the meal.”

“Really? Well… er… you’d better come in.”

Sophie waved the key towards he car. The doors locked and the headlights faded.

Andrew looked puzzled and impressed.

“Hi, what a place. So remote. So quiet.” Sophie said.

“Lovely to meet you both. Do come in. Meet Emma.”

Emma was every inch a wee Harris lassie. Compact in every dimension, with long dark hair and big black eyes. She wore a long flowery frock dribbled with strings of hippie beads. Andrew stood beside her, an earnest-looking young man, in his mid-thirties. He had long legs, made apparently longer by his flared jeans and he seemed to tower above Emma who only came about halfway up his paisley shirt. Then Andrew called into the back room and a little boy came out. “This is our boy Donald. Say hello, Donny.”

“Hello Miss.” 

“Hello Donald”. Sophie smiled warmly and stroked the little boys hair.

“So nice of you to come to see us.” Emma said.

“They told us about you in the tourist office in Talbert.” Sophie said.

“So Hamish sent you. Do you like the traditional music then?”

“Oh yes we love it.”

“Well, you’re very welcome to join us.”

Andrew was anxious that the visitors should experience good Harris hospitality. He took their coats and passing them to Emma, carefully steered them to vacant seats beside a couple he introduced as Ella and Bryce. It was a wise choice. Ella immediately engaged them in conversation although it started with a barrage of questions.

“When did you arrive? Only today? So you’ve been lucky with the weather. It’s just turned. Do you like our island? The beaches are beautiful aren’t they? How long will you stay? Going back so soon?  Oh such a shame.”

“We came here twenty years ago.” Sophie said, “Did Lewis and the Uists and Harris, for our honeymoon. We thought it would be nice to do it all again.

“You can’t be serious.” Ella said.

Bryce turned to Tim, “So you were a bit of a cradle snatcher.” 

“Why you can’t have been more than… fifteen!” Ella said.

“No, I was thirty when we met – second marriage.” Sophie said.

“So you’re…”

“I’m fifty-five, Tim’s sixty.”

“No way!” said Ella and Bryce almost in unison.

“I suppose we age quickly here and then live long, so everyone seems old.” Ella said. She turned to the old folk at the far end of the table and chattered in Gaelic. Bryce looked at the ceiling and sighed.

“I don’t speak a word of it. When they get going I just shut off — go into a sort of trance, like I’m not here. What else can I do? You play golf?”

Tim said he’d only played once with Sophie’s son. “I did OK. I hit the ball every time, and it went roughly in the right direction. But when we’d done nine holes I asked Michael ‘How did I do?’ He said ‘Great Dad’. I asked if he would take me to play again. He said ‘No way!”

“I love it. I play down at Sacrista every Sunday. Annoys the hell out of Ella. She thinks I should stay home and be there for the children. They all come around. She’s right. I should. But why waste a whole day’s golf! She’s a Harris woman all the way through even though she’s been away to university and come back to be a teacher. Ask her if she’d put the washing out on Sunday.”

“Would you?” Tim asked.

“I would not!’ Ella said, switching effortlessly from the Gallic, “It’s a mark of respect. The Sabbath is not for the daily toil. It’s for talking to God and being with the family. Mind, I don’t blame those who do. It’s a choice. He chooses to go chase a ball round a hill.”

It was 30 minutes before the soup arrived and then another 20 minutes waiting for main course, but Ella and Bryce kept the visitors well entertained. Sophie took the opportunity to indulge her famous inquisitiveness.

“Do the young people keep up the old religion?”

“No. It’s like everywhere. They watch Sky and dream of another life. They all want to get away. They have to — no work here for them. Some come back to retire, buy a piece of land next to their parents. That’s what I did when I finished teaching. My grandfather made me a feu, you know, as in ‘feudal’? It’s how we pass down land or sell it. We built a house right next door to his.”

“Why are there so many derelict houses?”

“There’s no one to live in them and it’s too expensive to renovate.” Bryce said, “Much cheaper to let them fall down and start from scratch with a kit house. The whole thing comes on a lorry. Once you’ve got the slab down, drains and such, they whip them up in a couple of days. All wood sections with the windows ready fitted. Then they throw up the blocks and tile the roof and you’ve a weatherproof house in a week. Most of the new houses here are kits.”

“How do people make a living on the island? What does the future hold for little Donny?”

“There’s nothing. Only the old age pension for the ancients, and the welfare for the younger ones!” Ella said.

“We’ve heard about the fishing and the tweed?”

Bryce sat up straight.

“Oh, now you’ll set him off!” Ella said.

“Well there’s a few still make a living from fishing, but not like in the past. There were big fleets when the herring was plentiful. But the herring come and go — you might not see them for two years — can’t run an island on that. They built a huge fish factory at Scalpay. Some big multinational. Idea was to do all the processing here. There were jobs for everyone who wanted one. But suddenly they decided they didn’t need it and just closed it down. Now we’ve got this huge empty factory.

“There’s a few fish farms — you’ll see them in the locks. Used to be owned by Harris men. But all you need is a bad storm and the cages break open and a year’s rearing goes swimming out to sea. No small concern can take losses like that. Now it’s all owned by the big boys Marine Harvest — you’ll see them all over the island. There’s jobs, but not so many and if the wind changes and they find they can do it cheaper elsewhere, they’ll be gone.”

The tweed is dying out fast — in a few years it will all be gone – maybe just a few weavers left.

 “What do you do in the winter — those long dark days and nights?”

“He tried playing golf once with a torch! Twisted his ankle in a rabbit hole. Now he watches daytime TV. I read a lot, go visit friends. It’s OK. Some people let it get them down, but it’s not depressing — just different. In a way I look forward to it.”

“Is the weather really wild? We were told to expect storms this week.”

“We never believe the weather. It changes so fast. It never gets really cold, like you might expect this far north, maybe a day or two of snow in a bad winter, but it melts the next day It’s the Gulf Stream, keeps the island warm. But the wind can whip up a gale in a few minutes without warning. We get real hurricanes — ripped my shed off the hill and blew it out to sea. Did me a favour it was falling to bits — all rusty galvanized and patched up with pallets. I told the insurance it was new. Used the money for a new boiler.”

“We were told to make contact with the McLeods?”

“Oh my. Nearly everyone on the island is a McLeod or related. I’m a McLeod. When I dio the register at school all the kids are McLeod, McCauley, Morrison or McKinnon and just one little Akra from the General Store. 

She gestured to the older folk. “Iain’s a McLeod. Pat’s a McKinnon, Angus and Duncan are both McLeods. In fact, there are so many Duncan and Angus McLeods all over the island, we all have nicknames to tell us apart. So I’m called Ella Head-the-Bay because that’s where I live. We’ve got Angus the Piper and Duncan the Post. There’s a lot more to life on this island than you’d ever guess.” 

“I bet there is!” Tim said.

“What is that thing?” Ella asked, nodding towards Andrews mobile, “You’ve been fiddling with it all evening.”

Sophie glared at Andrew.

“It’s the new iPhone,” he said, and he showed Ella and Bryce some of the features – he took their photo, played them a tune from the iPod and a snatch of the Jurassic Park movie. Then he wrote an email and sent it to Emma’s Blackberry. Ella the teacher seemed interested in the predictive text and multilingual spell checker.

“It works in every major language in the world.” Andrew said.

“Does it know the Gaelic?” Ella asked.

“Not yet,” Andrew said, “Maybe that will come soon.”

All the islanders were paying close attention and they seemed to be very impressed. 

He showed them the cottage on Google Earth.

That seemed to impress them most and they spoke earnestly amongst themselves.

“You don’t have iPhones here yet?” Tim asked.

“Er… no. Never seen anything like that.” Ella said.

Andrew reappeared from the kitchen with a guitar in hand and the band extricated themselves from the group of diners. They made their way to the tiny stage, perched on their stools. Iain played an E and Pat, Andrew and Duncan tuned up. Then away they flew into a lively jig that forced the foot to tap and promised a great night’s music.

Iain was a large soft man with large soft fingers that ambled over the accordion keys. The movement of the bellows was like his breathing — laboured and wheezy. His eyes were closed tight and his mind was floating somewhere over the lunar landscape of East Harris while he played in perfect rhythm and without fault.

Pat the fiddler was a small tight-knit woman with graying brown hair in a schoolmarm bob, brown-rimmed glasses, brown eyes. She played everything at a regular measured pace without colour or emotion. Even when she played Danny Boy there was not a tearful eye in the house.

Angus the Piper, a dark haired man, pumped his blue bladder and fingered all the tunes in unison with Pat and Iain, while guitar and base punctuated the rhythm.

Andrew played guitar like a beginner, straining to finger the harder chords. Those were his paintings on the wall behind the tiny stage — enthusiastic and amateur, like his music and his cooking. He looked well fed, like the lucky sheep on the rich Machair on the West side of the island. It was no mean feat to cook tomato and basil soup, skewered Harris salmon, boiled vegetables and two scoops of mash followed by carrot cake and custard with coffee for ten guests and then to take his part in the band between the main course and pudding. 

Duncan the bassist was a thin wasted middle-aged man, more like the hungry sheep who scratched a living on the heather growing between the random boulder-fall of the East side.

Every tune seemed to have twenty verses — which would have been tolerable had one of the band been brave enough to sing the stories. But neither they nor the audience, whom they shyly cajoled, sang a note all evening. So we had twenty verses of fiddle, pipe and accordion playing in unison.

The audience of local East side islanders didn’t seem to mind. They were probably used to long stretches of time with nothing much happening except the passing of the weather. They were used to space uninterrupted by people — long winding roads across endless bouldered hills, immense dark mountains stretching from sea to sea, long empty sandy beaches slowly changing hue. They were used to Presbytarian churches without decoration or colour and long dull Calvinist services focused on the very word of God without frills. So twenty verses of a fiddly reel or a jaunty jig were no challenge to their ability to appear interested.

After about 20 minutes, Tim kicked Sophie under the table.

“Well, it has been so lovely, but we need to think of leaving. We’ve a long way to go.” Sophie Said.

Andrew noticed them stand up and came down from the stage to say goodbye.

Tim held out his credit card to Andrew and said, “Can we settle up then?”

Andrew stared at the card.

“Can we pay you?”

“Oh goodness, no,” Andrew said, “It has been our great pleasure and privilege to entertain you this evening. It is so good to meet visitors who love the music as much as we do. Will you come back and see us again soon?

“Thank you, we certainly will.” Sophie said.

Andrew and Emma escorted them to their car. Sophie flicked the key and the lights flooded the yard. They settled into their seats. Sophie opened the drivers window, said, “Goodbye. We’ll take you up on that invitation and be back as soon as we can.”

Andrew and Emma smiled and waved as the Prius silently glided away into the darkness.

“Well what happened to the Count?” Emma asked. “You showed no interest in them. In fact you were texting your precious mates most of the time and hardly spoke until they asked about your mobile and then you showed off like some teenage geek.”

“Sorry, Em, but I do find old people a bit boring, and that interminable music!”

“You could have made more of an effort.”

“I suppose. I was a bit embarrassed when he wouldn’t take any money. Felt more like a private party than a real restaurant. Pretty amateur. Felt like we’d gate-crashed.”

“We could go back tomorrow and offer buy one of his pictures before we leave.?”

“They’re a bit naff. Anyway have we got time?”

“Yes. The ferry’s not until ten.”


When they returned the following morning, the drive seemed to pass much faster. In the daylight, the road didn’t seem so treacherous and the sheep were mostly content to graze on the grassy banks.

“You have reached your destination” said Jane, as they pulled into the yard. 

“Wrong, know-all!” Sophie sang. “Wrong house Jane.”

This yard was half overgrow with weeds – waist high in gorse and brambles. There were no cars – just a rusting wreck half buried in the weeds. The cottage was certainly wrong. It was a derelict. Rose Bay Willow herb sprouted from what was left of the walls, the roofed had completely caved in long ago, exposing some well-weathered beams. What was left of the window frames were without glass and the only curtains were long-undisturbed cobwebs.

They headed back to the Prius and were about to drive away, when Sophie shouted, “Wait!” She carefully made her way through the unforgiving brambles towards the wreck. “Look at this.” She said.

It was the very rusty hulk of a VW camper, almost completely buried in the brambles, with nettles growing up through what was left of the floor. Tim looked towards the windscreen. The two rubber-ridged panes had fallen out leaving just a rusty trace of the central spar.

Tim and Sophie looked at each other. They had no words. What could they say? What did it mean? Tim just shrugged and they walked to the car. They drove away in stunned silence, neither wanting to give words to the crazy thoughts racing around their skulls.

On the way back they saw a farmer working on a blue water pipe that snaked across the rocky hill. Sophie drew alongside and looked at Tim. He nodded and they both left the car and approached the man.

“Excuse me,” Tim said, “That cottage just down the road.”

“You mean the Morrison place?”

“It’s derelict.”

“Yes, has been for years. 

“But we were…” Tim glared at Sophie.

“We were… interested in buying somewhere to do up.” Tim said.

“Well I wouldn’t bother with that place. Been with the agents for years but no one will go anywhere near it.”

“Why not?” Sophie asked.

“Well it all happened thirty years ago. In fact thirty years to the day almost. 15th September 1977. I’ll never forget that day, nor will anyone on the island.”

Realizing he had a captive audience, he took a pipe and a box of matches from his jacket pocket, lit up and settled down on a grassy hummock. Sophie and Tim perched on a couple of boulders in front of him.

“It was back in the seventies when there was all that talk of UFOs. They’d been seen over the islands. Lots of reports. Mostly rubbish of course – Northern Lights, planes, that kind of thing, but people were taking it seriously. We thought it was just a matter of time before one of them landed or crashed maybe and it would be proven true. Anyway it kept the visitors coming – hippies mostly, not big spenders, but no trouble – well, a bit of wacky-baccy sometimes.

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NURSING ALBERT

NURSING ALBERT

Time hangs still
It flatlines
And my mind slips
Into watching - just watching

All the small things
Becky coming and going
Her soft little words
And gentle administrations

Handling his frailty and fear
With compassion and skill
She is kind and efficient
Innocently heroic

Becky is young
Not yet a woman
Albert is old
Soon no longer a man

One eager beginner
Is easing the pain
For one lonely old timer
Falling fast out of time

The Chaplin drops by
To pray Our Father
And he asks Albert
To communion on Sunday

And Becky returns
To bathe his weak body
With soft little words
One last time

Comments [1]

Silly Rhymes for Kids

Image on license from Shutterstock

RABBITS
All God's rabbits share one bad habit
If you grow a carrot they sneak up grab it
They dig up your turnip, parsnip and spuds
Eat all the good ones and leave you the duds

CATERPILLARS

Caterpillars are stupid
All they do is eat
They’ve got three thousand pairs of legs
And twice as many feet

UNREQUITED LOVE
A woodlouse declared his love for a mouse
But the mouse was not convinced
She ran off with a millipede
And he hasn't seen her since
 
EARWIGS
Earwigs live in old men’s hats
With maggots, slugs and flies
They like the smell of Brylcreem
And dandruff tastes real nice
 
HONEY
If bees make jars of honey
Do wasps make jars of Jam?
Did earwigs make my Marmite?
I’d better ask my Nan.
 
POO
Dog poo is dusgusting
Cat’s poo is much cleaner
Worms poo tiny walnut whips
And maggots?… semolina!
 
COOKING
My Mum puts flies in current pies
And mouse poo on my bread
She fries my eggs in horses’ snot
And brings them up to bed.

OUR NEW YOUNG VET
My Gerbil, Bill, got very very ill
So we sent off for the vet
He said "You gotta feed him dog food
As much as you can get."
Now he wags his tail and barks a lot
And his nose is very very wet

Comments [5]

The HorsePig



Image under license from Shutterstock

A pig farmer bought a horse. A beautiful male foal, just old enough to leave its mother. He put the foal in a field with 20 pigs.
 
Surrounded by pigs the foal grew up thinking it was a porker. He wallowed in the mud with the rest of the pigs in the lowest corner of the field. He slept in their muck and competed at their trough for a scrap of rotten swill.

But the foal grew thin and his coat became mangy and he failed to grow. The farmer had an idea. He took a mirror from his wife’s dressing table and held it up to the foal. The foal saw that it was not like the pigs and he wandered away from the herd.

The pigs mocked and said “Who do you think you are, Mr High and Mighty? Are we not good enough for you anymore? Well go if you want, but you’ll be all alone and you’ll starve and die.”


The foal walked to the top of the field and breathed a lungful of fresh clean air and said,  “Mmm I like this – it doesn’t smell of pig poo.” He sniffed the sweet long meadow grass and nibbled at it and said, “Mmm I like this – fresh green food.” He looked around him and noticed he was surrounded by grass – there was more than he could eat in a year and the pigs didn’t want it. He heard a trickling of water and turned to see a stream. He drank the sweet water and he said, “Mmm I like this – it doesn’t taste of pig pee.”
 
He saw a hare racing across the field and he galloped after it, sensing the thrill of speed and feeling the blood coursing through his muscles. He stopped at a tree stump and watched a grasshopper leap into the air and he said, “That looks like fun” and he leaped around the field jumping over mounds of grass, stumps of trees and small bushes.

He saw a butterfly inspecting a meadow flower and he said. “My that’s beautiful.” And he looked around and saw he was surrounded by flowers, and he looked up and he saw the blossom on the trees, heard the wind in the leaves, saw the blue of the sky and he said, “I am surrounded by all this beauty.”
 
A flock of doves landed at his feet and then flew off over the hedge and out of the field and he said. “They are going somewhere else. I can go somewhere else.” And he galloped after the doves, leaped over the hedge to another meadow and galloped and jumped from field to field. And he said, “I am as free as the birds in the air.”

At last he came to a field with a horse. The young mare came running to greet him. She nuzzled his neck, exhaled into his nostrils. They galloped around the field together, drank from the streams, nibbled at the grass, and marvelled together at the beauty surrounding them. And the foal said. “I am a horse.”
 _____
The moral of this story is that you can spend much of your life surrounded by swine who have low standards, no ambition and no appreciation of the finer things in life, but if you remember who you are and have the courage to walk away and explore life for yourself, you will find freedom and fulfilment and you’ll meet friends who will love you for what you are.

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Rebecca's Secrets - Some Extracts

 

I'm just putting the finishing touches to my first novel, Rebecca’s Secrets – the story of Tommy Angel, an orphan boy growing up in the East End of London in the Fifties, who starts to become curious and opens up a dark box of family secrets. leave me a comment and I’ll let you know when it’s published if you like.

 

Now I'm a bit nervous about this.  It's a first for me. 

But I thought I'd show you a few extracts.

You see I'm still editing and I'd value your comments, criticisms and suggestions.

I've got 2 weeks to make changes before publication.

Don't hold back!

Let me know what you think.

- Robert

 


CHAPTER 1: Out of the Shadows

 

On 1st January 1956. After weeks of snow, sleet and fog, the first sun of the New Year cut across Eric Street, burning light into the cold shadows. It crept inch by inch, probing one dark place, then the next.

I’d just turned eleven. I don’t remember much about the previous year or the three years before that in the Home. That was another life, like a story about someone else.

Until this day I’d lived unaware. I didn’t live my life – it lived me. But I did know I was different from other kids. There was something secret about me and my family.

That morning I became curious.

That day I started asking questions.

That week I opened up a box full of dark family secrets.

That year I found out who I was.

 Rebecca’s Secrets

“Missed me. Hit the lamppost!” I lied.

The ball hit my thigh and bounced straight back to Larry. I rubbed the stinging red ball-print on my leg and hobbled across the street to Viv.

It was freezing cold. The pavement was covered in two inches of hard-packed snow and long icicles hung from the lampposts, smaller ones dripped from the railings.

Eric Street runs south from the Mile End Road – the main artery from the East End to the City of London. That’s where I lived with my Gran, my Granddad (who I called Dad) and Uncle Vinny.

Viv and I huddled together by Mrs. Levy’s railings.

Most of London’s railings had been taken away and melted down for guns for the war, but ours were still intact. Granddad said it was too dangerous to take them from Eric Street because all the drunks would come rolling home from the Wentworth on pay day, and fall down Kutchinski’s airee.

Larry aimed at my legs again and I grabbed the railings and swung my feet into the air. The ball bounced off my bum.

“Hit the railings!” I lied again.

Larry scrabbled for the ball, slipped on the ice and landed on his back. Viv danced over him.

“Can’t catch me – couldn’t catch a flea.”

She was only ten and small for her age, but she was tough and a lot faster than any of the boys.

Larry, still on his back aimed at Viv. He missed. The ball whizzed past her ears and straight at me. I punched it high in the air. We all gaped as it hung for a moment at the top of its flight, and watched it fall straight into Mrs. Levy’s airee. It glanced off her basement windowsill, bounced off the airee wall and hit the lower windowpane dead centre. A crack zipped diagonally across the glass as the ball dropped to the airee floor.

All the terraced houses on the evens side of the street had bay-windowed sitting rooms at ground level and a basement with an open airee protected by the railings.

Our footballs and tennis balls often found their way into neighbours’ airees. Usually we’d ask if we could get the ball and perhaps tidy their airees while we were down there. We knew who would say yes: Mrs. Bresslaw – whose son Bernie was on the telly and Mrs. Kutchinski – who was always smiling and Errol’s mum, Mrs. White.

Mrs. Kutchinski had the biggest grin in the East End. We’d clear the litter passers-by had dropped and she’d give us bread and dripping.

Mrs. Bresslaw liked us to water her basement window boxes. She gave us orange juice and potato latkes. For some reason she called me “Poor Tommy” and while we’d stuff ourselves on her doorstep, she’d mumble “Poor lost babies. Poor lost babies.” and shake her head. We thought she was mad, but anyone who made latkes that good must be harmless.

Mrs. White gave us crispy spicy things that burned your mouth. Larry took one home for his dog Prince. The dog swallowed it whole and charged round the house yelping. We always said “Thanks, Mrs. White – we’ll save them for later.” and then we gave them to kids we didn’t like.

If a ball fell into a grumpy neighbour’s airee, we didn’t ask – we just climbed over for it. Sometimes we got caught, but we usually got away with apologies or lies – like today.

“Quick. Get the ball,” Viv said, “before Old Levy finds out or we’ll be for it! But do it quiet!”

I climbed over Mrs. Levy’s railings, hung down as low as I could, pushed away from the wall and dropped the last two feet. There was just the quietest “pling” as my plimsoles hit the ground.

I heard a loud “whoosh” behind me as Mrs. Levy pushed the window up. It stuck about halfway, like most sash windows in our street. She parted the lace curtains, bent down and stuck her head out.

“Sorry, Mrs. Levy,” I said, “I did knock on your door three times, honest, Mrs. Levy, but there was no answer and I knew Mr. Levy was at the shop and I thought you must’ve had a bad night what with your rheumatism and I didn’t want to wake you up.”

Mrs. Levy squeezed an arm out and waved a skinny finger at me. “You know God sees everything and punishes dirty little boys who get into sin and mischief!”

I looked up at the cracked pane above her head and then at the sky and I held my breath and waited for the window to shatter or for God to strike me down. It was the first blue sky in ages, even bluer against the white of the snowy rooftops. The clouds were small and puffy, flying fast. It made me dizzy to look.

I waited. There was no crash of glass, no thunder and no lightning. He didn’t strike me down. So Mrs. Levy was wrong about God! Perhaps they all were....

 
A Curious Boy

We ran across the road to Gran's – and I threw the ball down the airee. It landed on the huge pile of rubbish that came halfway up the basement window. Larry and Viv climbed down and pretended to search for the ball. Viv, pushed rubbish away with both arms looking like a deep sea diver doing breast stroke, saying “Hummmm ummmmm umm ummm um.”

I jumped up the steps, opened the street door and shouted for Gran. I waited while she slowly negotiated the dark passage, puffing and grumbling. She walked with a stick and her knees were a long way apart so she rocked her whole weight slowly from side to side, like a big ship on a swollen sea.

First to break into the sharp sunlight was her paisley pinafore inflated by an ample belly and bosom. Then the light caught her nose, her glasses, her knitted brows, and her turned-down mouth. She squinted in the glare and shaded her eyes with her free hand.

Now what do you want?” she asked, as if I had made her sail that stormy passage a hundred times already.

Her face was severe, with a fixed frown and a lower lip pushed up in the middle and down at the corners like Churchill’s fight-them-on-the-beaches face. It was a mask of disapproval.

She was called Rebecca, but she wasn’t like Rebecca in the bible who was beautiful and hospitable. No, she seemed to be always grumpy and critical – impossible to please – I had tried for years. Nothing was right. Whatever I did, she would say I was lazy, thoughtless and forgetful. Mostly she called me meshugener – crazy or a luftmensh – a dreamy head-in-the-clouds – that was her favourite word for me.

It wasn’t just me; she had a bad word for everyone in the family – usually in Yiddish. Her children were all ungrateful. Aunt Hannah was stuck up; Aunt Miriam was a klogmuter – a misery; Aunt Stella was conniving; Uncle Samuel was a shmegegi – a clown; Uncle Solomon was a kolboynik – a know-it-all and Vinny was toig ahf kapores – good-for-nothing.

The in-laws were all unworthy; Aunt Marlene was flighty; Aunt Nina was draikop – scatterbrained, Uncle Arthur was grober – an oaf and Aunt Hannah’s Harry was alter kaker – an old fart.

The neighbours didn’t escape her judgment either. Mrs. Bresslaw was toffee-nosed because her boy was on the telly; Mrs. Kutchinski was filthy; Mrs. Levy was yachneh – a load mouthed gossip. Mrs. White merited extra malice because she was a foreigner and a swartzer, and her house was painted daft colours and she left rubbish around and gave the street a bad name. The rest of the street were ganef – rogues, rascals and thieves.

“Well… what do you want, luftmensh?”

As she glared down from the top step, I realized that she looked and sounded just like Gilbert Harding – that grumpy old man on What’s My Line. He always looked like he was about to do a big burp. He did an advertisement “I have indigestion but I don’t suffer from it.”

“Have you got indigestion, Gran?”

“What?” Her frown deepened into a scowl – which was normally enough to shut me up. But not today. Today was different.

“Why do you always look so grumpy, Gran?”

I took a step back. God had let me off this morning for two little lies to Larry and Mrs. Levy’s potential manslaughter, but Gran was more formidable than the Almighty, less forgiving, closer and quicker to anger. She raised her stick and shook it at me.

“I can’t help what I look like. You were born with a smile on your face, Tommy, and you don’t have a care in the world. I was born into hardship and pain and my life has been filled with worry and heartache and that’s what’s written over my face and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

So, I thought, it’s not all my fault then! Gran was born miserable – nothing to do with me. It was… a sickness, like indigestion. She was born grumpy and she got grumpier, so… no matter how I tried – and I did try – I would never-ever be able to do anything right. She told me off all the time, made me feel guilty, ashamed – whatever I said, whatever I did, but I couldn’t possibly be bad all the time.

So, I thought, it can’t be me – it must be her – it’s just her way of being in this world. From that day, although she gave me plenty of headaches with her constant complaints, I never took her so seriously again and I mostly ignored her judgments. I decided God could be my judge, and, as I found out that morning, God was a mate. He didn’t strike me dead down Mrs. Levy’s airee, so He probably liked boys, and if I did anything really bad, He’d let me know. So far He hadn’t complained.

 “Our ball’s down the airee, Gran.” I said.

“So, now you want me to climb down and get it for you?” she shrugged and opened her hands, palms up looking up to God for sympathy.

“No, course not, but we can’t find it in the rubbish. What if we clear the rubbish out?”

“There’s no rubbish down there. I don’t keep rubbish. Its just things that’ll come in handy – one day.” She said.

Gran would win the prize for the most things-that’ll-come-in-handy-one-day in the street. It wasn’t just our stuff – people walking by would throw their rubbish on top of ours – newspapers, old comics, sweet wrappers and fag ends. The mountain of rubbish had been there for years and years and I thought there must be some treasures buried in that pile. I’d often ask if I could clear it, but she always said no.

I told her there were rats in the airee, but she didn’t believe me.

“Honest, Gran, Ronny Needleman saw a rat when he came round the other day. He said it was brown, about a foot long, with a long tail.”

“No,” she said, “We don’t have rats. I keep my house spotless. That boy Ronny exaggerates.”

She was right – Ronny did exaggerate. In fact he told bloody great lies and boasted much of the time, but this time he was telling the truth.

“But Gran, I know there’s rats. I can hear ‘em.”

I slept in the basement and I heard the rats at night, scrabbling in the airee, scratching at the window. They made a different noise to mice.

“You’re just imagining things like you always do. Half your life you live inside your head. There’s nothing in that airee and I don’t want you poking around down there. No. You leave it be.”

She turned to Viv and Larry. “Get your ball and get out.” She said flatly,

“But Gran!”

“Don’t you ‘But Gran’ me. If I let you do it you’ll only fall down, break your leg and I’ll have to take you up the hospital and I’ll be in trouble with the Welfare.”

Now that wasn’t fair. I was a good climber – best in the street. In the Muller I used to climb right to the very top of the tallest trees, way above everything. I was skinny and light and I could lie back on the thinnest branches and look up at the clouds, like I was in heaven and let the wind sway me side to side. I’d stay there for hours, missing meals and lessons, until the teachers noticed and sent a kid to look for me.

“But I’m a good climber.”

“I said no, Tommy and that’s it! Why don’t you listen?  I don’t understand why you want to go digging up old stuff! I don’t want boys digging!”

She turned away grumbling towards the dark passage. “That boy. Won’t leave things alone. Meshugener! Always digging – asking questions. Why, God, did you give me a boy like Tommy? I swear he’ll be the death of me with his digging and his questions, always questions!”

She was right. I was always asking questions – mostly about her and Granddad. Although I lived with them my whole life, I knew nothing about them. I asked her what her life was like when she was young and where she went to school and what lessons she did. I asked about the war and what it was like when Granddad and my uncles went away to fight for Rommel and she was left here alone with the Blitz. But she never answered and if I persisted too long, she would snap and shout at me, “That’s the past. What does it matter?”

I wanted to know about the family. I asked her what her parents were like and where her grandparents and great grandparents parents came from and what they did for a living and why we were called Angels. I asked about my aunts and uncles and my cousins and why they mostly lived far away and only came to visit on Saturdays, when Mrs Kutchinski’s children and grandchildren all lived around Mile End and why I lived with her and Granddad and why I didn’t have a mother and a father and live with them, like all my cousins and most of my friends did. But she never answered. She would just glare at me and shout, “Children! All they bring is heartache.” and she’d turn her head away and if I persisted, she’d shout some more “Stop asking your bloody questions!” and sometimes Granddad would hear her and come into the room and say,

“Steady on, Becky, the boy’s only curious. It’s only natural.”

“Too bloody curious!” she’d say and she’d thunder out of the room.

Eventually I realized I never got answers and I noticed how after Gran blew her top, she would go quiet and look sad for the rest of the day, and I felt bad about that, so I stopped asking questions...
 

 

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Once a Month in Skoon

 
© Carole Hart-Fletcher

Sophie drove the crazy twisted road across the bolder-strewn east side of the island. It took all her concentration to stay on the tarmac strip — just wide enough and no wider. One moment of distraction and they could slip into the peat bogs, smash into a roadside bolder or crush one of the thin sheep that confidently meandered across the road or even lay down on the warm tarmac watching her headlights approach unmoved and unmovable.
 
Thirty minutes drive felt like an hour and Tim didn’t make it any easier sitting bolt upright willing her round every bend and remarking on every hazard — just in case she hadn’t noticed it.
 
“Do it yourself if you think you can do it better.”
 
“Sorry, just a bit nervous.”
 
“What have you got to be nervous about? I do all the talking. You just have to look interested and be gracious. Just pretend you’re a count or something and you might find you can be polite for a whole evening.”
 
“Hmm.”
 
They turned off the narrow tarmac for a narrower dirt road signposted Craibheard and after a few hundred yards then took a left towards Skoon. By the time they reached the cottage it was dark. They joined the few cars scattered in the tiny yard. Sophie slammed the car door.
 
 
Outside the darkness was deep and endless. No headlights, no house lights, no streetlights, no moon, no stars. Nothing to prick the deep blackness of the island.
 
They peered through the windows of the little white crofter’s cottage. The lights were bright and the chatter was warm. The little dining room was full.
 
Emma greeted them at the door.
 
“Good evening. Mrs Davenport?”
 
“Sophie. My husband, Tim.”
 
“Hi, what a place. So remote. So quiet.”
 
“Lovely to meet you both. Do come in.”
 
Emma was every inch a wee Harris lassie. Compact in every dimension, with dark hair and big black eyes. It was impossible to assess her age. Andrew appeared behind her, an intelligent, earnest-looking young man, in his mid-thirties.
 
“So nice of you to come to dinner.”
 
Just once a month Andrew and Emma opened their little cottage café for dinner for the locals and any visitors who stumbled across their leaflet in the tourist office in Talbert.
 
Andrew was anxious the visitors would have a good night. He took their coats and passing them to Emma, carefully steered them to vacant seats beside a couple he introduced as Ella and Bryce. It was a wise choice. Ella immediately engaged them in conversation.
 
“Where are you from? Oh the Peak District is so beautiful I hear. When did you arrive? So you’ve been lucky with the weather. Where are you staying? Lesley and Alaisdair? Oh a  lovely couple and very good artists too. You must be rattling round in that huge house, though I expect you’ve been out and about? Do you like our island? Yes the beaches are beautiful. How long will you stay? Ah but we’ve only just begun to know you. Will you be coming back? Well please make sure you look us up when you do if it’s only for a cup of tea.”
 
Emma turned her attention to her Gallic-speaking friends at the other end of the table. Bryce looked at the ceiling and sighed.
 
“I don’t speak a word of it. When they get going I just shut off — go into a sort of trance, like I’m not here. What else can I do? You play golf?”
 
Tim said he’d only played once with Sophie’s son.
 
“I did OK. I hit the ball every time, and it went roughly in the right direction. But when we’d done nine holes I asked Michael ‘How did I do?’ He said ‘Great Dad’. I asked if he would take me to play again? He said ‘No way!”
 
“I love it. I play down at Sacrista every Sunday. Annoys the hell out of Ella. She thinks I should stay home and be there for the children. They all come around. She’s right. I should. But why waste a whole day’s golf! She’s a Harris woman all the way through even though she’s been away to university and come back and been a teacher. Ask her if she’d put the washing out on Sunday.”
 
“Would you?” Tim asked.
 
“I would not!’ Ella said, switching effortlessly from the Gallic, “It’s a mark of respect. The Sabbath is not for the daily toil. It’s for talking to God and being with the family. Mind, I don’t blame those who do. It’s a choice. He chooses to go chase a ball round a hill.”
 
It was 30 minutes before the soup arrived and then another 20 minutes waiting for main course, but Ella and Bryce kept the visitors well entertained. Sophie took the opportunity to indulge her famous inquisitiveness.
 
“Do the young people keep up the religion?”
 
“No. It’s like everywhere. They watch Sky and see another life. They all want to get away. They have to — no work here for them. Some come back to retire, buy a piece of land next to their parents. That’s what I did when I finished teaching. My grandfather made me a feu, you know, as in ‘feudal’? It’s how we pass down land or sell it. We built a house right next door to his.”
 
“Why are there so many derelict houses?”
 
“There’s no one to live in them and it’s too expensive to renovate.” Bryce said, “Much cheaper to let them fall down and start from scratch with a kit house. The whole thing comes on a lorry. Once you’ve got the slab down, drains and such, they whip them up in a couple of days. All wood sections with the windows ready fitted. Then they throw up the blocks and tile the roof and you’ve a weatherproof house in a week. Most of the new houses here are kits.”
 
“How do people make a living on the island?”
 
“The old age pension, and the welfare for the younger ones!” Ella said.
 
“What about the fishing and the tweed?”
 
Bryce sat up straight.
 
“Oh, you’ll set him off!” Ella said.
 
“Well there’s a few still make a living from fishing, but not like in the past. There were big fleets when the herring was plentiful. But the herring come and go — you might not see them for two years — can’t run an island on that. They built a huge fish factory at Scalpay. Some big multinational. Idea was to do the processing here. There were jobs for everyone who wanted one. They even brought in Lithuanians. But suddenly they decided they didn’t need it and just closed it down. We’ve got this huge empty factory and meanwhile they send the prawns all the way to China to be skinned and ship them back here to be sold — madness!”
 
“There’s a few fish farms — you’ll see them in the locks. Used to be owned by Harris men. But all you need is a bad storm and the cages break open and a year’s rearing goes swimming out to sea. No small concern can take losses like that. Now it’s all owned by the big boys Marine Harvest — you’ll see them all over the island. There’s jobs, but not so many and if the wind changes and they find they can do it cheaper elsewhere, they’ll be gone.”
 
The tweed is near dead — just a few weavers now.
 “What do you do in the winter —those long dark days and nights?”
 
“He tried playing golf once with a torch! Twisted his ankle in a rabbit hole. Now he watches daytime TV. I read a lot, go visit friends. It’s OK. Some people let it get them down, but it’s not depressing — just different. In a way I look forward to it.
 
“Is the weather really wild? We were told to expect storms this week.”
 
 
“We never believe the weather. It changes so fast. It never gets really cold, like you might expect this far north, maybe a day or two of snow in a bad winter, but it melts the next day It’s the Gulf Stream, keeps the island warm. But the wind can whip up a gale in a few minutes without warning. We get real hurricanes — ripped my shed off the hill and blew it out to sea. Did me a favour it was falling to bits — all rusty galvanized and patched up with pallets. I told the insurance it was new. Used the money for a new boiler.”
 
“Why is everyone called McLeod?”
 
“Oh my. It must seem like that. I’m a McLeod. When I did the register at school all the kids were McLeod, McCauley, Morrison or McKinnon and just one little Akra from the General Store. In fact, there are so many Duncan McLeods or Angus McLeods all over the island, we all have nicknames to tell us apart. So I’m called Ella Head  the Bay because that’s where I live. There’s a lot more to life on the island than you’d ever guess.”
 
 “I bet there is!” Tim said, as the band arrived. They brushed past the diners, perched on their stools and started tuning up. Iain played an E while Pat, Andrew and Donald tuned their strings. Then away they flew into a lively jig that forced the foot to tap and promised a great night’s music.
 
Iain was a large soft man with large soft fingers that ambled over the accordion keys. The movement of the bellows was like his breathing — laboured and wheezy. His eyes were closed tight and his mind was floating somewhere over the lunar landscape of East Harris while he played in perfect rhythm and without fault.
 
Pat the fiddler was a small tight-knit woman with brown hair in a schoolmarm bob, brown-rimmed glasses, brown eyes. She played everything at a regular measured pace without colour or emotion. Even when she played Danny Boy later in the evening there was not a tearful eye in the house.
 
Angus the piper, a dark haired man with intelligent eyes, pumped his blue bladder and fingered all the tunes in unison with Pat and Iain, while guitar and base punctuated the rhythm.
 
Andrew played guitar like a beginner, straining to read the chords. Those were his paintings on the wall behind the tiny stage — enthusiastic and amateur, like his music and his cooking.
 
He looked well fed, like the lucky sheep on the machair on the west side of the island. It was no mean feat to cook tomato and basil soup, squewered Harris salmon, boiled vegetables and two scoops of mash, carrot cake and custard with coffee to follow for ten guests and take his part in the band between main course and pudding.
 
Donald the bassist was a thin wasted boy, more like the hungry sheep who scratched a living on the heather growing between the random boulder—fall of the East side.
 
Every tune seemed to have twenty verses — which would have been tolerable had one of the band been brave enough to sing the stories. But neither they nor the audience they shyly cajoled dared sing a note all evening. So we had twenty verses of fiddle, pipe and accordion playing in unison.
 
The audience of mostly local East side islanders didn’t seem to mind. They were used to long stretches of time with nothing much happening except the passing of the weather. They were used to space uninterrupted by people — long winding roads across endless bouldered hills, immense dark mountains stretching from sea to sea, long empty sandy beaches slowly changing colour. They were used to Presbytarian churches without decoration or colour and long dull Calvinist services focused on the very word of God without frills. So twenty verses of a fiddly reel or a jaunty jig were no challenge to their ability to appear interested.
 
It would be a long night and Andrew and Emma would have to clear up before turning in, but neither showed any sign of stress. They joined the little party on the dark hillside as guests as much as hosts.

 

 

 

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